Shopoholic is kidnapped by Al-Qaeda and forced to make a ransom video at gunpoint

Right. Well, I WAS going to write more about my adventures in Edinburgh, but then normal life was swept aside by the discovery that someone I know has seen Colin Firth, and so therefore by proxy I have kissed him. I mean, where does one go from that? So, I have decided to abandon my recitation of my Scottish holiday (Which, whilst awesome, can be summed up in one sentence: Go to Edinburgh and you’ll have a wonderful time, I guarantee you!)

Now that we’ve decided that I am fact going to marry him and have his babies, we can talk about other stuff. Namely: me.

· I spent the last week at University, with a bunch of mathematicians. Basically, Melbourne University has been having their annual puzzle hunt, where they release fiendishly difficult puzzles and it’s up to teams to try and solve the puzzles. So, the maths dudes at uni decided to solve them, and, considering that I have nothing better to do, I joined them all. My contribution consisted of sitting there and saying things such as “This is a very hard puzzle”, and “I think we should do some more work on this”, and other such priceless gems!

· I was at the Post Office today and saw an old, totally blind man with a cane. The Postal workers helped him out of the office and took him to the supermarket, where the people there helped him buy his groceries. It was so sad, it almost made me cry.

· I can wield a vacuum cleaner with the dexterity of a monkey.

· Is it wrong that I kind of want to see Mr. Bean’s Holiday? Do you think I should steal some kids and take them to the cinema with me, so that I don’t look like a pathetic 20-something year-old, who still actually finds this stuff funny?

· Every time I go to Somerfield, I start composing very indignant letters to the manager in my head along the lines of “Well, I only shop here because I have a choice between here and Morrison’s, and Morrison’s is WORSE, but given the choice, I would shop in a supermarket where they the checkout staff were not so damn RUDE! And that did not offer customers plastic bags. At all. AT ALL.”

· I have a Boots card, which basically means that for every pound I spend in Boots, I get some points, and then I can use the points to redeem basically anything in store. But I am worried that I am now just going to Boots and spending money in order to get points so that I can…..buy stuff. And now I am confused as to whether I am becoming the kind of spendaholic, shopaholic, idiotic, financially immature kind of person that Chick-Lit authors love to idolise. I seriously hate how the lead character in Chick-Lit is practically always some emotionally stunted, chain-smoking single girl who talks about shopping in the kind of breathy superlatives that one uses to describe well, anything OTHER THAN SHOPPING. Grrrrrr. Anger, and literary superiority complex taking over now….