I was in the library today, and there was a woman talking on her phone. I really hate it when people do this, and I was very, VERY tempted to storm over, grab her mobile out of her hands (It was pink, no less. Why doesn’t someone just kill me now?) and start beating her around the head with it saying:
“I am TRYING to READ, you stupid woman. Well, I WAS until your inane chatter caused me to put down my fascinating book on the origins of the French Feudal system (Which I was only reading because there was a cute guy almost facing in my direction and I wanted to impress him) and march over to you and start smashing your face in with the book, and now the cute guy is going to think I’m deranged, which I possibly am, but that’s still NO EXCUSE FOR TALKING ON YOUR MOBILE IN A LIBRARY”
Ahem.
Considering that she was talking very loudly, I could hear what she was saying which was basically:
Ahem.
Considering that she was talking very loudly, I could hear what she was saying which was basically:
“Hello, can I have the phone number for Sheila’s Wheels insurance? And can you text it to me? Because I’m so “modern” and “with it” that I don’t know how to scrawl down telephone numbers using a crumpled piece of paper that I found in my bag and a pen that possibly hasn’t had ink in it since 1957. If I don’t use my mobile phone to do every little interaction, then I die from my own stupidity.”
Which got me thinking about Sheila’s Wheels itself. Basically, it’s a car insurance company that is tailored towards women, with things like lower premiums, a £200 handbag cover deal, and free……counselling if you need it. Which is all well and good, I suppose. If you drive a car. And are a woman. And are such a wuss that you can’t deal with accidents (OK, yeah, a minor crash, not anything that kills you or crap) without having to call up your insurance company and be all, like “oooh! Validate me! I was going to go to the new Primark opening, but now I crashed my PINK car, because I was talking on my PINK phone, and like, I totally lost my fags in the crash and now I can’t go shopping. Oh, Help!”
I kid.
The main reason for this entry is to vent some annoyance at their stupid adverts. For those of you not in the UK- I’m so jealous of you. Basically, the ad consists of three (pink) women sitting in the front seat of a (pink) car driving along a really crappy digitally enhanced background that sometimes appears to be going forwards, and other times appears to be going backwards and singing the most annoying jingle ever. AND, they put the words at the bottom of the screen, along with a bouncing ball, so that you too can sing along at home! Can you believe it! I know what’s been missing in my life! The ability! To sing along! To insurance jungles!
Anyway, there’s women, they’re singing! Nobody is steering the damn car, or looking at the road. Instead they are simpering at the camera in a way that makes me want to go around to everyone’s houses and say “Us Australian don’t do this! We’re not this stupid! If we’re going to drive cars in an unsafe manner, then we usually just crash into trees after drinking 42 stubbies! And we’re usually not wearing pink, sparkly dresses at the time!”
There’s singing, there’s dancing, then, suddenly, what appears to be a brass band materialises in the back of the car. Colour me impressed. That’s a damn good insurance agency if they can magic up some trombone players if you’re ever bored whilst driving across the Nullabor. They’re doing that annoying thing where they wave their instruments (not a euphemism) back and forth wildly. Oh, if only they had decapitated one of the singing, pink, sparkly ladies. Think how enjoyable advertising would be if people got killed in hideous ways. Imagine the joy on my face if the annoying wax lady had been slowly boiled to death in a vat of her very own Veet wax (See post written ages ago for more details)
And then we have the dog.
Yes, ladies, apparently dogs have now been trained to wear a chauffeur’s hat and drive cars so that you and your mates can warble on about how great your insurance is, because you are a woman and wear pink. So, we have a dog driving a car, a brass band in the boot, and three singing ladies. For a company that encourages you to be a safer driver, this advert really isn’t doing it for me.
Overall, it’s just a really, really stupid ad, with a really stupid, lame song, that I REFUSE to karaoke along to, and it’s just stupid, and people who insure with Sheila’s Wheels are stupid (no offense), and pink mobile phones are stupid, and did I mention I’m in a bit of a belligerent mood today?
Because I am nice, here’s a link to the ad on youtube: THE AD
Which got me thinking about Sheila’s Wheels itself. Basically, it’s a car insurance company that is tailored towards women, with things like lower premiums, a £200 handbag cover deal, and free……counselling if you need it. Which is all well and good, I suppose. If you drive a car. And are a woman. And are such a wuss that you can’t deal with accidents (OK, yeah, a minor crash, not anything that kills you or crap) without having to call up your insurance company and be all, like “oooh! Validate me! I was going to go to the new Primark opening, but now I crashed my PINK car, because I was talking on my PINK phone, and like, I totally lost my fags in the crash and now I can’t go shopping. Oh, Help!”
I kid.
The main reason for this entry is to vent some annoyance at their stupid adverts. For those of you not in the UK- I’m so jealous of you. Basically, the ad consists of three (pink) women sitting in the front seat of a (pink) car driving along a really crappy digitally enhanced background that sometimes appears to be going forwards, and other times appears to be going backwards and singing the most annoying jingle ever. AND, they put the words at the bottom of the screen, along with a bouncing ball, so that you too can sing along at home! Can you believe it! I know what’s been missing in my life! The ability! To sing along! To insurance jungles!
Anyway, there’s women, they’re singing! Nobody is steering the damn car, or looking at the road. Instead they are simpering at the camera in a way that makes me want to go around to everyone’s houses and say “Us Australian don’t do this! We’re not this stupid! If we’re going to drive cars in an unsafe manner, then we usually just crash into trees after drinking 42 stubbies! And we’re usually not wearing pink, sparkly dresses at the time!”
There’s singing, there’s dancing, then, suddenly, what appears to be a brass band materialises in the back of the car. Colour me impressed. That’s a damn good insurance agency if they can magic up some trombone players if you’re ever bored whilst driving across the Nullabor. They’re doing that annoying thing where they wave their instruments (not a euphemism) back and forth wildly. Oh, if only they had decapitated one of the singing, pink, sparkly ladies. Think how enjoyable advertising would be if people got killed in hideous ways. Imagine the joy on my face if the annoying wax lady had been slowly boiled to death in a vat of her very own Veet wax (See post written ages ago for more details)
And then we have the dog.
Yes, ladies, apparently dogs have now been trained to wear a chauffeur’s hat and drive cars so that you and your mates can warble on about how great your insurance is, because you are a woman and wear pink. So, we have a dog driving a car, a brass band in the boot, and three singing ladies. For a company that encourages you to be a safer driver, this advert really isn’t doing it for me.
Overall, it’s just a really, really stupid ad, with a really stupid, lame song, that I REFUSE to karaoke along to, and it’s just stupid, and people who insure with Sheila’s Wheels are stupid (no offense), and pink mobile phones are stupid, and did I mention I’m in a bit of a belligerent mood today?
Because I am nice, here’s a link to the ad on youtube: THE AD
2 comments:
HUMPH
i know you're really busy and all, but is this the right way to treat your most loyal and dedicated fans? i want your very own special kind of humour, the sooner the better please... i am having withdrawals. ps you around on 21july??
miss grenada xx
Haha, you're a genius! PS most people insured with Sheilas wheels ARE like the stereotypes depicted (Well, apart from the Aussie).
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