I bet Lizzy didn't wear dirty trainers and look like a cream puff

This photo is proof that I am an idiot.

• A couple of weeks we had to have the plumber around to re-install the shower. He popped by at around 1 in the afternoon, just as I was going to make lunch. I showed him into the bathroom, and he set to work. I asked him if he wanted a cup of tea or something, and he refused, saying that he was fasting (It was Ramadan). So then, I felt really guilty about the fact that I was planning on eating lunch, lazing around the house like Lady Muck. So I didn’t eat or drink anything, even though I was starving, but I knew that it would be very rude too.
  He had to pop out for a while to get a new part, so I frantically tore into the kitchen and made myself some toast with leftover curry. I ate it standing over the sink, with the extractor fan on in order to dissipate the food smells lest the plumber smell it and cry. Afterwards, I opened all the windows in the house, and put on a lot of perfume to try and cover up the food smell. I felt so guilty about doing it, because I actually start gnawing at pieces of wood if I don’t get fed regularly, and here is this guy managing to not eat for periods of 12 hours or so.

• Oh dear. You know when you think you’re being really cool, and so you try and do something even cooler, but it just backfires on you and you look like an idiot? Well, that happened to me yesterday.
  I was walking through the park on my way into town (Nursing a terrible hangover). Because it’s autumn, all the leaves have fallen off of the trees, and they decompose and create this kind of slushy, slippery surface to walk on. Also, it rains a lot and so the paths through the park are slippery and the holes in the asphalt tend to fill up with water. I was walking along the path when I noticed a HUGE puddle of water in front of me. I obviously couldn’t have walked through it, so I had to walk around it, on the wet and slippery grass. As I was doing so, I was struck by the thought: “Wouldn’t it look lovely if, instead of detouring back onto the footpath, I continued walking across the grass, in the manner of Lizzy Bennet as she strides- strides I tell you!- across the moors at Pemberley*, being watched lovingly by Mr. Darcy”. I must say that this fantasy was fuelled in part by the rather handsome young men who were walking behind me.
  Anyway, so I strode confidently across the grass for about 14 seconds before my shoes got bogged down in mud. I realised that entire hill was covered in mud. Thick, squishy mud. I had to use my arms to pull each foot out of the mud, as I walked precariously along this incline. Nothing shouts “Confident, beautiful nature-girl” like a parka-wearing, hung over, balance-challenged Australian, knee deep in mud. I am now the proud owner of a pair of mud-spattered trainers that I intend to take a photo of and to post here, just to prove what an idiot I am.
  *Yes, I know what you’re going to say. Shut up anyway.

• I have been hearing about how Ricky Gervais (of The Office fame) has a podcast, so I put one on my iPod this afternoon before I went to the Supermarket. The trouble was that it was so hilarious I ended up laughing hysterically in front of the onions.

• On Sunday night, the MATH and I went to see a choral concert of Carmina Burana at the Leeds Metropolitan University. The opening movement, “Oh Fortuna” is quite famous. ANYWAY. We walked into this ginormous hall which is usually used for graduations, and it was very well-equiped, with a huge stage, and even a couple of camera men and huge TV screens all around the room. The trouble was, I don’t think the performers knew that they were going to be filmed, so we go lots of shots of people standing there looking gormless, or adjusting their underwear, or fluffing their hair (As a side note, it’s amazing how bad members of a choir can look if they have their hair down, because you can’t see their mouths properly, and they spend most of the performance doing that annoying little hair flip which really PISSES ME OFF. I hate the hair flick. If I ever run a choir, I’m going to shave everybody bald.), so I spent most of the night giggling at the close ups of oblivious choir members.
  The performance wasn’t great. I personally think it was a bit overambitious, and the inclusion of a full orchestra would have helped; but instead we had a couple of pianists and a few percussionists. The end result sounded like this:
  Choir: Oh Fortuna!
  Piano: Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, oops, that was meant to be a sharp, PERHAPS IF I JUST PLAY LOUDER NOBODY WILL NOTICE
  Percussion: BOOM!
  Choir: Oh Fortuna!
  Piano: E#
  Percussion: BOOOM
  Choir: Oh Fortuna! Oh Fortuna!
  Piano: Shit.
  Percussion: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

• Isn’t this wedding dress precious? Those are Portia’s words, although I have to agree. If I was entering a “cream puff lookalike” competition, that’s exactly what I’d want to be wearing.