I have a Tiara....I must be engaged!

There's this ad on TV that I really, really hate.

It starts off at a "hen's night", but really, it doesn't look anything like a hen's night. There's this fairly unattractive (OK, butt-ugly) bride-to-be, who is hanging with her girlfriends, in what appears to be a shoe shop, or maybe a warehouse. Or maybe just a big, well-lit box. Anyway, her friends are so much hotter than her, and she is wearing a tiara thingy, which just makes her look like an idiot. I'm sure if you're actually getting married, then you want to wear a tiara (Do all men have to go to Tiffany's to buy the ring, and then say "Ooh, wait, I also have to pick up a cheap, tacky-ass tiara so that my girlfriend can wear it with her friends"?) Imagine if every time an engaged girl went out with her friends, she had to wear a tiara. God, tiaras are so stupid. I hate them.

Anyway, the friends are all hotter than she is. I thought that this was against bridal etiquette, I mean, aren't you supposed to make friends with ugly people, so that you'll look fantastic on your Wedding Day? So anyway. There's this ugly girl with hot friends. She is engaged. She has a tiara.

AND THEN, the most annoying woman ever comes onto my screen. Seriously, she's so annoying I just want to put on my special superpower tiara, and ram the sharp edge of it right into her eye sockets. And she comes bursting into the room in a burst of crapness and shrills "Jane! These lovely ladies have nominated you as a bride-to-be whose still a Wax Virgin!" And the hilarious thing is that she creeps up on them, and scares the hell out of them, and they all look really shocked and kind of pissed off. I mean, if I were sitting in some kind of room, and some weird creepy lady came up to me and started berating me loudly about my method of hair removal, I think I'm punch her. But they don't. And I am sad. And I'm sitting there being all shocked and confused, and thinking, "What exactly is a wax virgin? Someone who hasn't had sex with wax?" And then I think "Gee, this woman looks really sad, how lucky for her that she has found a Wax Virgin to harass." Actually, this woman never looks sad. She kind of looks like someone shoved a battery up her ass, and so she just keeps buzzing and buzzing. Apologies for the crudeness, but I must emote.

Anyway, Jane's friend, in a betrayal that falls just short of the time that Hitler promised not to engage in any military agression against any other country, especially the countries containing Jews whatsoever, cross my heart and hope to die, admits that Jane always shaves. Jane is mad. See Jane mad. Mad, Mad, Mad. Battery woman just looks shocked, and explains that waxing lasts for up to 4 weeks! And then, in a bit of mathematical genius-ness so intense that the MATH like an idiot, says that four weeks will cover her wedding, her honeymoon, and.....even longer! But what if Jane's wedding lasted four weeks, like those Indian Celebrations? Then she's have stubbly legs for the Honeymoon. And what if her honeymoon is 4 weeks? Then her hair-free legs will not last for even longer! Battery woman has some explaining to do.

Anyway, so stupid tiara-Jane gets to wax her legs. With Veet Wax. Which is actually rather good, I have to say. Battery woman, and all her friends start chanting "Smooth down, hold down, pull off!" Perhaps they're high. Then Jane rubs her leg, which looks suspiciously smooth and pale and says "So Smooth!" Now, you're only supposed to wax your legs if the hair is long. Like, "I can plait it if you like!" long. So how did battery woman know that Jane's leg hair was long enough to wax? Perhaps she sleeps in Jane's bathroom, and keeps a written diary. Jane's fiance is an idiot.

And then, the best part of the ad, battery woman says "You'll be fighting him off!" While making little punching gestures in the air. WTF??? She's marrying the guy! Why would she want to fight him off? Is he a rapist?? Has he been involved in Domestic Abuse? I think Jane should consider very carefully whether or not she wants to go through with the wedding. Indeed, Veet commercials have their dark side, and should be viewed with caution.

Battery woman ends with the line 'Wax Virgins, lose it or lose out." And I think I'm about to lose my lunch.

Because I am a sad loser, I actually went to the Veet Website. You can actually watch the ad. Go to http://www.veet.co.uk/waxvirgins.shtml down the bottom, there are four little movies. This one is the bottom left. Oh, it's not a shoe shop. It's a bar. It looks like a crap bar. I would not wish to have my Hen's night there. No Way. Oh God. There's three more advertisements! She goes across the country terrorising all these women. Watch the videos. I'm going to go and kill myself.

And in other news, the bus driver yelled at me today, and I didn't finish the crossword.