Oh the coldness, it is so cold here right now.

OK. So. I totally realise that I haven’t written anything for a while, but I do worry that if there is too much greatness too often on your computer screen, it might explode. That’s right. Just think of me as the saviour of LCD monitors the world over.

• Hong Kong is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. And cowering in an airport toilet blubbing “I don’t want to go back to the crappy UK. I want to stay heeeeeeeeeeeere” is perfectly acceptable behaviour upon leaving it.

• The immigration officer asked me suspiciously if I was aware that the terms of my visa prohibited me from working as a professional sportsperson in the UK. To which I raised a recently shaped eyebrow, drawled “There’s no danger of that, honey” and walked out. Yes, I now officially live in a Greta Garbo film.

• If I die, who gets to have my stuff? Are my parents really going to want to fly 23+ hours to pick up a copy of Pride and Prejudice and 15 bottles of shampoo? Don’t answer that. It’ll just depress me.

• Working in a Chocolate shop: Paradise, or the first step on the long road to bankruptcy, diabetes and death. You decide.

• So, I watched the Apprentice on the plane, and there was this one episode when the contestants had to host an opening party for a hair salon, and Trump was all like “People think my hair is fake, but it’s not. I SAID, IT’S NOT FAKE. NOT AT ME. IN FACT YOU CAN COME AND LOOK AT MY HAIR TO SEE HOW UN-FAKE IT IS. THAT’S RIGHT. EVEN IN A STIFF BREEZE, IT STAYS ON! And everyone looked terrified, like he was some hair-obsessed maniac, and, ultimately, methinks he protesteth too much.

• Hmmm, so, jobs. I have seen ads to work in a betting shop, or in a tobacconists, or, you know, I could just murder innocent babies.

• Myspace: Harmless peer networking site, or evil dictatorship, bringing the fear and ostracisation of the playground to your computer? Discuss. With references please.

• I have a surprise to post in a few hours, but I’m waiting to see if it all turns out OK. And it’s got nothing to do with engagements, babies, teeth or careers. Actually, it’s not really exciting at all. But it means you’ll have to come back to see if it’s really worthwhile. HA!